A good friend and mentor of mine reframed the idea of "self-control" as "self-management." In my experience, this reframing is both more useful and much less obstructive.
My further reframing is to bifurcate what we prospectively call "effort," and the "motivational substrate" atop which that effort is afforded and applied. We recognize an impulse by what we know we would do without some suppressive effort, that is, we are motivated in a sudden and powerful way toward the "object" or "act" according to that impulse. We also recognize the ephemerality of an impulse by how quickly it dissipates upon an equal and opposite suppressive effort, should it not occur too little; too late.
This separation is not just intellectual or experiential. The effort relative to motivational pushes and pulls is often what we ask for, notice and appreciate when we can afford to do so, and when someone risks the vulnerability to let it show.
A good friend and mentor of mine reframed the idea of "self-control" as "self-management." In my experience, this reframing is both more useful and much less obstructive.
My further reframing is to bifurcate what we prospectively call "effort," and the "motivational substrate" atop which that effort is afforded and applied. We recognize an impulse by what we know we would do without some suppressive effort, that is, we are motivated in a sudden and powerful way toward the "object" or "act" according to that impulse. We also recognize the ephemerality of an impulse by how quickly it dissipates upon an equal and opposite suppressive effort, should it not occur too little; too late.
This separation is not just intellectual or experiential. The effort relative to motivational pushes and pulls is often what we ask for, notice and appreciate when we can afford to do so, and when someone risks the vulnerability to let it show.
Cheers!